Advice for Visitors

When in China, prepare for the disgusting. As they do in India, people will often urinate or even defecate in the open. Only sometimes will they be polite enough (in Western terms) to seek a tree or some other privacy.

Get used to indescrete bodily functions. That is, don't fret when those around you -- man and woman alike-- hock a lump up from their deepest sinus cavities or chest. Belching is also common.

For you non-smokers HA! You're out of luck as everyone smokes everywhere, much like Italy.

You become a sort of celebrity in China. People everywhere will immediately stop their activities or conversation to watch you. Sometimes they'll even backtrack just to get a look at you. (Again this isn't dissimilar from India or even parts of Italy.) Just think of yourself as having your 15 minutes of fame. I like to play the part by wearing my Ray Ban reflective lens aviators and my Radiohead t-shirt or Indian salwars, a bindi on my forehead or a capooch like a California rock star.

Regardless of the fact you speak their language-- and you speak it well-- they will refuse to understand you. They're a bit stunned first to see a Westerner then they're further shocked because you're speaking to them. Consider it akin to walking through the woods to discover its inhabitants talking to you.

Spit your bones on the plate. Don't discretely hide them in a napkin (there are no napkins). And certainly don't remove them from your mouth with your fingers. Fingers are disgusting. (Unlike India, you can use both hands freely when eating in China.)

Don't talk to the Brinks/Wells Fargo security personnel. Unless you want to be shot on the spot.

If you're not even some shade of white, do not come to China. Racism here is tantamount to 1920s Southern America.

Don't carry around your Frommer's or Lonely Planet travel guides: they "misspeak" Communist values and are therefore a sort of contraband. My Aussie roommate had to hide his on the plane here.

Unlike traveling to Italy, Costa Rica or India, do not expect anyone to know English. Finding a Chinese person who does is rare.

Do not be surprised when the fish arrives at your table intact with its head, tail and flesh.

Do not think chicken feet are a joke. The Chinese boil them into a sort of gooey substance and eat them with meals.

Yes, they really do eat dogs here. But they keep smaller, Zsa Zsa versions as pets. Haven't seen a cat yet, so I can't put word to that animal.

If you don't prefer reused hypodermic needles at the hospital, bring a Chinese-speaking friend during emergency situations.

Get your cheese fix back in the West. It's hard to come by here and not usually good when it is available. On the other hand, there is an abundance of seaweed salad!

Mao Tse-Dong was God here. Finding him on the yuan isn't different from finding Jefferson, Lincoln or Queen Elizabeth.

Yes, there is pizza. But don't expect Chicago-style deep dish, foldover New York style, or brick-oven Italian style.

For all you Britney Spears and Tom Cruise fans, sorry. The Chinese have better things to occupy their minds.

That's about it for now. Gimme some time (I've only been here four days) and I'll continue to rattle off some more travel tips.